Everyone has secrets. 

There isn’t a single soul on this planet that has, or eventually will have, a deep, fiercely protected secret inside of them, one that absolutely nobody knows about. 

No one. 

Not one single person.

For a planet with a population of over 8 billion people, that speaks volumes. Or rather, doesn’t speak volumes, because, well… they’re kept secret. 

I have a few. 

No, I do not want to share them with you. I haven’t shared them with anyone, including people closest to me, so there would be no reason for me to expose them to an audience other than to generate brief sensationalism and notoriety. 

Hmm, maaaaybe I could tell just a little bit of…

Ha! No.

I only confess the secrets of my clients as a Coffin Confessor. 

So I’ll expose somebody else’s secrets but not my own, does that sound unfair? It’s not. 

It’s a highly personal choice that I leave to my clients to make, and they go into it knowing exactly why they want to, what they want to, and how they want to, and they should get what they want, it’s their funeral after all! I plan on having someone do it for me at my funeral.

I mean, it’s a such a great idea, why wouldn’t I? 

But really the question is, why do we keep secrets about ourselves or the things we’ve done in our lives so closely guarded in the first place? What is it that keeps us from confessing them to our loved ones? Turns out, there are many social, emotional, and psychological reasons. There’s a list (isn’t there always?) and as you read through it you will gain a clearer understanding of the reasons why we keep our secrets from the world.

1.  Shame. 

This one tops the list. Shame is a very powerful, all-encompassing emotion, right up there with rage and fear. It is also the most misunderstood of human emotions we can experience, making it difficult for anyone to navigate. It’s covert; we don’t immediately acknowledge or recognize it rising up inside of us. Instead, we experience a weird sensation coupled with a feeling of wanting to escape, to run and hide somewhere, like a dark cave. It simmers below the line of consciousness, nipping at our self-esteem and leaving us confused and disoriented. Shame isolates us because we fear that if our secret is exposed, we will be humiliated, banished from society and our peers forever. 

2. Fear of Judgment.

Humans are social creatures, we need to have people we love around us and live within a social construct in order to survive. So it makes sense that the fear of being ostrasized, rejected, or condemned by our peers would inhibit us from sharing our deepest secrets. We literally would not survive if we were rejected by society and left to fend for ourselves. It’s the same principal as the feelings of shame. 

3. Protecting loved ones.

It may be that the secrets you harbor are to protect loved ones, fearing that if they knew the truth, it would destroy any trust. Perhaps you need to protect them from some outside danger because if they knew the truth, their lives could be at risk, like a James Bond scenario. Hey, anything is possible!

4. Self-protection.

Secrets can involve a past trauma so the risk of exposing them (to yourself and others) is just too overwhelming. In order to protect your mental capacity, you must keep the secret in the deepest recesses of you mind. It could also mean you need to protect yourself from outside danger, that if you reveal this secret, someone could potentially come after you. 

5. Relationships.

You need to hide this secret from your partner or spouse so it doesn’t cause strain on the relationship or threaten your union in any way. The secret may be so big and intense, it could cause a complete breakdown of the relationship, like a past infidelity, or even living a double life.

6. Overwhelming emotions.

Whenever you consciously think your secret, the fear and anxiety of it being revealed threatens your psyche. You could have a nervous breakdown or become depressed and therefore isolate yourself from friends, loved ones, and society.

 7. Legacy.

Your memory in the minds of those left behind can be dramatically altered by an after-death revelation. Taking your secret to the grave controls your narrative, preserves your reputation and maintains how others always viewed you, your actions, and how you lived your life. Perhaps you want to protect your legacy for your offspring. 

Alternatively,

you may have a strong desire to have your secrets revealed at your funeral so that you can upend that very concept. Your desire to shock friends and family with the truth; exposing the fact that they never understood you or knew who you really were or what you were capable of supersedes any fears about how you will forever be perceived. You may need to get something off your chest but find you cannot risk it while you are living and therefore decide to do it after you pass away. 

The reasons we keep secrets so deeply protected is oftentimes a combination of complex feelings and emotions. However, in today’s society, shock value has firmly taken root and because shock value is something that resonates with you, you decide the best ways to leave your mark on this earth is to have your secrets confessed at your funeral with a coffin confessor… shocking everyone.